An antidote to the common bitch.

In a time of change like this people reach ever more for the comforting habit of complaining. Comforting, that is, for the person doing the complaining. And isn't it a shame how many people can't even articulate what they're upset about, let alone then work to fix those problems?

So, for years now I've had a consistent response to such bitching.

"So, let's say you're given twenty million dollars, two assistants, and two years to spend the money.

You can't spend the money to raise more money.

You can't just say 'I give the money to somebody who knows what to do.'

What do you do to address the problem you just talked about?"

Then you talk them through their response. If they say "I give money to candidates" then ask which ones. Early in the campaign or late? To the PAC or to the candidate directly? If they say they'll give it to (schools/police/whatever) ask which ones, to be used by whom, to be administered how? Just keep drilling down. Be helpful but don't give leading responses. If they stop and change their minds about something, be graceful, and acknowledge their right to do that. In fact, give them the respect they will then deserve for admitting in public that they were wrong. Just take them down the path from the general to the specific, from the universal to the local. Ask how their plans would cause their intended result. Help make it real to them. But never, ever loosen your vigilance and allow them to slip by a "and then a miracle occurs" step. Just calmly work to interweave the story you're expecting them to tell with consequences, telling details, clarifications. Be friendly, interested, attentive. But utterly unforgiving. If you haven't done this before you will find that this, too is a useful exercise.

I have found it amazing how well this focuses people's thinking. It weeds out the twits who just want to complain and leave all accountability and responsibility to others. Sometimes it actually does help people realize that there is something that they can do to improve things. And it generally clears the air. I have also found that the people I least want to deal with, the anti-intellectuals, the liars, the permanent children, the beery frat boy blowhards, are driven off by a calm, implacable application of this technique like vampires running from sunlight. Once I've pointed this approach at such people a few times, they never engage in their habitual dittohead tirades in my presence again. Makes going to parties much easier.

The key is that the question replaces the vague with the specific. It forces them to calculate costs. It (especially if there's an audience) put the onus on them to define the problem and take responsibility. It makes them reiterate what they've just said in a way that lays wonderfully effective traps for people who hide racism and such behind coded language. And, when asked of decent people, can even reduce the sense of helplessness that an inchoate problem of unknown scope creates in anybody. It teaches people to think like problem solvers rather than like passive observers. It helps people seize a sense of agency for the things around them. It penalizes and punishes the blowhards and rewards and aids the honorable.

In short, it makes all participants, including the person asking the question, into better citizens.

So the next time you hear somebody start to talk about "those people shouldn't be allowed to . . ." or "the (schools/buses/military/etc.) sucks" or whatever, smile politely, prepare for opposition, and simply pose for them that simple hypothetical. Just be sure to cut them no logical slack whatsoever, to never raise your voice or lower yourself to ad hominem attacks, and to keep them from changing the subject.

You may find that it will not only free you from idiocy, it can even be quite a lot of fun.

Comments

[Your annoying and somewhat cool friend...]

Hey Rustin:

As per our converstation last night, I have posted my variation of the question on Citizens of the Imperium.

I leave you the link to follow and check my work.

URL: http://www.travellerrpg.com/CotI/Discuss/showthread.php?p=291249#post291249

p/w: letmein

Am now waiting for responses.

Laterness.

Oh and I dig the banner at the top. Almost looks like downtown Milwaukee...almost.

[Rustin Wright]

Yep. And I see that people are already clicking on the link. Welcome, folks; please join in.

Oh, and Magnus, I tried to follow your link but without a login the p/w didn't do me much good ;-(

The banner, fwiw, is supposed to represent Portland. Actually, if I were willing to do the work, my banner would cycle between Portland, Milwaukee, NYC, Toronto, D.C., Minneapolis, Chicago, both the UK and Ontario Londons, and a few other places I've puttered away my time in.

But never Pittsburgh. Gawd, I was miserable in Pittsburgh.

[Interrobang]

If I had more graphic design chops, I'd make you an Insignificant-London banner myself. I think it would look something like this. :)